Some TEASER pictures!!

:) The night was great!! I can't post anymore now because we are all leaving to go to the lake for the night with Linsey's parents! FUN FUN I have TONS more and will post later!

The date is wrong on my camera! I didn't notice until the night was almost over!

Breathe Haley, Breathe...

So Homecoming is tomorrow and I am FREAKING OUT! At 9:00 in the morning my best friend and I are going to get manicures and pedicures! AHH! So relaxing! Then we are going to get our eyebrows waxed! Then I am coming back home to sleep for a little bit so I will feel like staying out later. My boyfriend has to work until around 3 or 4 so I have to go get my flowers because the florist closes at 2:00. We have to get pictures sometime between 5:00 and 7:00 and then we will go out of town to eat. (Longhorn, Applebees, or Red Lobster- not sure yet which.) We will then go back to the dance for a while and then leave and do our own thing. It should be lots of fun. We are double dating. I have reminded my boyfriend everything over and over again and I'm sure that I am getting on his nerves, but he's a good sport! :)

As far as my day at school went- I think I had my first panic attack, but not really sure. I thought I was going crazy. I couldn't quit shaking and I was getting chills and crying for no reason at all. Nothing happened. I guess all of the stress of the HC dance and everything. I don't know. It was awful so my teacher told me to call my mama and go home. I told my mama that I felt like a failure for not being able to stay through the day, but I stayed as long as I could.

Some good news- Sonny Perdue requested that all GA schools be cancelled MONDAY AND TUESDAY to help conserve gas. WOO HOO!

I just got back from my boyfriend's house and got to play with his little puppy! His name is Doran! :) SOOO cute and sweet!

So I went to the doctor today...

Yesterday was not a good day. I was holding all of my emotions back at school because I don't like to explain stuff to everyone, but in the last period of the day I started crying so then I leaned back in my seat so no one could see me. Still not sure why I was crying, but I was. I sucked it up and came home. My mama left me a message on my cell telling me to call her when I got in. As soon as I got the message I called her and she asked how my day was and all and I said good, but she could tell that I was lying. I broke down and she told me that she was coming to see about me and for me to go lay in bed and relax until she got there. By the time she got home, my pillow was soaked and I was still crying. She sat on my bed and starting talking to me and I told her some things that were bothering me and she told me some "cheer me ups" and some things to help ease the stress. After crying for nearly 2 hours, I was exhausted. I went to sleep and slept until around 8:00. While I was sleeping, mama called my counselor to update her on the situation and to make sure she was handling in correctly. My counselor then told her that I am now having more symptoms of depression rather than anxiety. (I have both.) Mama also called 1 of my teachers who wasn't aware or the situation.

Today I went to see my doctor and was put on Paxil CR and taken off of Cymbalta (was on 60mg for fibro pain, but is also an anti-depressant). I also got the Xanax refilled and will continue to be on it until I am more stable.

Oh and for the record, this blog is for my online friends. It is not for all of you bitches that feel the need to constantly criticize me. So if you don't like me- don't read my blog. So simple! :)

Another bad one...

This weekend was great! I got plenty of "Me time" and had fun being lazy.

But now Monday rolls around and it's been another bad day for me. I was really feeling overwhelmed and anxious this morning even though I took the Xanax. I decided to go home about 10:30 because I was already starting to cry for no reason and it always gets worse from there. So I came home and went straight to bed and got up at 2:00. I am going to the doctor Wednesday to talk about the anti-depression medication and I am going to counseling Thursday. Homecoming is Saturday and I am so excited about going, but already starting to feel anxious. I HATE HATE HATE crowds so it's a good thing we are only going with one other couple, which happens to be my best friend and her BF (see below).

I just got back from the HS ring ceremony that I was DREADING going to. You would think a $500 ring would get me excited and ready to go, right? WRONG! I guess it is the crowd thing again, but I am glad that I went. I absolutely LOVE my ring!

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It is white gold and the center stone is a pink cubic zirconia.

That's all for now. I have some homework to do.

Lazy days are to come...

I was told by my couselor to be lazy and take time for myself on the weekends because I get so frustrated and anxious during the week due to all of the commotion and such. So I plan on watching Lifetime and taking it easy all weekend. Maybe I can do some scrapping! :) I have been wanting to make another paperbag album so maybe I can make one tomorrow or sometime. I need to finish writing some poems for my creative writing class because we are going to be starting on our scrapbook/portfolio type things Monday! Fun Fun!

I knew it...

Today I was officially diagnosed with depression. :( I knew that this was a possibility, but I never thought **I** would have it. I did a checklist and I have over 75% of the symptoms. I am completely devastated and I will be starting a long term anxiety/depression medication probably tomorrow, but I am to continue to Xanax as needed because I was told that it will take about 4-6 weeks to see if the medication for depression will help me. I am so bummed and mentally exhausted. I told her that I feel bad and lazy when I sleep late and that I feel like I should be doing other things, such a studying. She told me that for now all I need to be doing on the weekends is relaxing and taking care of ME! This is good to hear, but also hard. :( I feel like that since I am young I should be carefree and not worry about anything like all of my friends, but I worry about EVERYTHING!!! I am so tired of it and I just want to be ME again. For now, I am going to go for counseling weekly because I really need it right now. School worries the shit out of me and I am always so irritable. 95% of the time I would just like to run around slapping people because I am so frustrated. I feel like that I have had anxiety problems for some time (at least 1 year), but just recently it has developed into depression. :( I want so badly to be normal and not to worry, but this is just my way and I can’t help it. I guess until we get my depression worked out I will just have to keep myself practically sedated. HA

After counseling today (out of town), my mom took me a mall. I got TONS of clothes and jewelry for my birthday which made me really happy. I got some of the cutest things! Bad thing is I can’t have it until my birthday in November!! I also got some adorable winter shoes and a couple of belts. This town has no Michaels or anything, but I sure do wish they did! Thank you all for your prayers!

It's been a bad day..

First thing this morning we had a "party" in 1st block. We had EVERYTHING to eat! Donuts, creme cheese danishes, and TONS more fattening food! Well, me being me with all of this anxiety stuff going on, felt guilty afterwards because I ate all of that because I am trying to lose a couple of pounds by homecoming (Sept. 24). So I started off worrying about that, but went on about my day, no big deal, right? 4th block rolls around and we had to finish up a test. UGH! Essay questions! I SUCK at essay questions. So, I worry about that too. Then we go to lunch and I normally keep my Xanax in my purse so that I can take it at lunch (Yah, I know it's against school rules, but I don't need a lecture on that.) well stupid me left the bottle of Xanax on that table at my house!! GRRR So by this time I am flipping out like a freak and starting to shake and panic. After lunch, I am extremely irritable and I try to tell my boyfriend how I am feeling, but him never experienced this sort of thing doesn't really realize how bad it can be, which also pisses me off. So I am going to the school nurse now because I know she has some Xanax that my mama gave her for me. When I get there she is eating lunch *EYEROLL* so I have to wait for this lady to finish stuffing her face while I am about to have a flipping panic attack! I waited about 20 minutes, BTW. GRRR So now it is time for 5th block, which is history, I hate history and we have a test. By this point it had been such a bad day that I don't care if I pass or fail the test, yah I know- no lecture please. So I take the test and turn it in and sleep the rest of the period. Finally, the bell rings and it is time to go home. I get home and find out that my dog, Tiny, has been sick all day. :( Normally when I am having a bad day, to make my brain STOP I sleep so this is what I did today. I went to bed at about 3:15 and didn't wake up until about 7:40. I only woke up then because mama got me up to eat. Thank goodness I am going to counselling tomorrow!!!! I am about to go crazy.

Oh my.. :(

Today marks the 4th year since 9/11. :( How sad. I remember exactly where I was when I found out. Sadly, I don't think anyone will ever forget. Our country hasn't been the same since.

This picture has been circling the internet for a long time, but it is still my favorite. I love the cross between the buildings. It reminds me of how God will never give us more that we can handle.

SO much fun!

So I didn't get to scrap at all Friday! :( I did get invited to go to the lake with my best friend and her family! We had a BLAST!! :) It was so much fun and SO relaxing. Last night we went out on the boat and rode around it was so relaxing. Then today, we got on the boat at about 11:30 and got back around 5:00! SOO much fun! :) No fishing, nothing. We just rode and looked at houses and sunned like alligators! LOL I got sunburnt, but not too bad. I didn't take my camera on the boat because I didn't want to get it wet, but I had my cell phone so I took some pictures on there! I didn't even bother fixing the red eyes because the quality is HORRIBLE!

I had fun at the lake, but I was ready to come home. I missed my little Tiny. HAHA

I am ready to snuggle with her tonight! :) It was nice to get away from life though because I have been so stressed out lately.

That's all for now! -Haley

I haven't posted in forever...

I haven't been feeling to well lately. I have been crying about everything. I worry way too much about nothing and I am so sick of it! Thankfully, I do not have school tomorrow because it is junior/senior skip day! WOO HOO! I am definitely taking advantage of that! I am going to scrap some, after I wake up around noon. I also have to get my hair cut and my eyebrows waxed at 2:00. FUN FUN. LOL I also need to do some work for my Creative Writing class. I LOOOVE that class so I don't mind doing homework in there. :) We are working on a "photo journal" now. We just took random pictures and now we are going to writes different poems and stuff about them. Here are 2 of my favorite pictures that I took for mine.


I felt like the American flag picture was so appropriate for everything that our country is facing right now. It's so depressing.

That's all for now. I will try to post again tomorrow.