I am thankful...

I am thankful for tons of thing. I am thankful for God and his unconditional love! We would be NOTHING without Him and His love. I am thankful for my wonderful parents. They are better than I could have ever imagined. Heck, my mama even cleaned my room and my bathroom the other day! :) I am thankful for my big brother, although he REALLY bothers me at times, but he is great. He watches out for me, sometimes a little too much. I am thankful for my boyfriend, Phillip. He puts up with my crap time and time again, but loves me more for it. He spoils me rotten and loves doing it. I am thankful for my friends because the love me for me. I am thankful for my dog, Tiny. She makes me happy when I am sad. She knows when something is wrong and stays near to make it better and it is so clear that she loves me. She is another somebody that loves me for me. I am also thankful for my grandma and papa who died in 2001. They know I love them more than life and they can hear me when I lay in bed and cry because I miss them. They can hear me when I talk to them and when I apoligize for the things that I did wrong to them. They would be so proud of their little girl for standing up for everything that she believes in. I am thankful for my best friend, Linsey. She listens to my cry and comforts me when I am down. We stay together throughout all of the other lost friendships. I love my other grandma, "Bubba". She is a pain sometimes, but who isn't? I love her dearly and wish that I could see her more often because she is the other grandparent I have left. :( I am thankful for everything that I have. Our house, money, food, our cars, and all of our worthless material things that make each of us happy. I am thankful for my doctor because without his devotion to his job I wouldn't be here today. I am thankful for this whackjob computer and my cell phone because I am able to vent my frustrations. I am thankful for the volume on my car stereo because it allows me to get lost in the music when I don't want to be found.

I love all of these people more than life and I wouldn't be the same person I am today without them!!

Update..

Thursday my doctor gave me a cough syrup and took me off a med. that I was already on. I do feel better, but I am not well. I am still running a fever, but I am going to school tomorrow anyway because I missed 4 days last week. Good thing we only go Monday and Tuesday and then are out for Thanksgiving!! Tomorrow will be one week since I first got sick. I am so ready to be over this!!

Home again...

I have another doctor's appt. at 3:00 because I am getting WAY worse. I feel awful. I want to cry and sleep for a few days. I woke up this morning around 4:00 and started watching TV at 5:20. This is so unlike. I am ready to get well. :( I coughed ALLLL night. I am so miserable.

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I will try to update later tonight with what my doctor says.

I have been sick with a fever for 2 days...

Yesterday I went to school all day and I knew I had a fever and was sick, but I stayed anyway so I wouldn't get behind. Today I tried to go to just my academic classes, but only stayed about an hour and a half. It was horrible. I was sweating like a pig because I had a fever. So I just got back from the doctor and we aren't sure what it is. I have some upper respiratory infection and some bronchitis..so I am being treated for both. I feel like shit and was told by my doctor to stay out of school tomorrow too. To make matters worse, I have a 1500-2000 word term paper due Friday!!!!!

So here is my bitch list for today:

**Don't bring 3 kids in the damn post office and let them run around like animals weaving in and out of line and through people and not say a WORD to them!!!! WTF is wrong with people?!

**Don't try to pass me(or run into me) on a ONE lane street and look at me like I'm the dumbass- you old hag!

**Oh, and is there any FRIENDLY receptionists in the world anymore? Or is that too much to ask?

Ahh, I feel better! I should have coughed on all of their asses!!

Another day...

I haven't been on much this week because I've been pretty busy. I didn't take ANY Xanax Monday or Tuesday! GO ME! :) I did have to take 2 yesterday though. I had a panic attack today, even though I had already taken 1 Xanax. I stayed at school as long as I could, but ended up coming home about 12:00. I came home and went straight to bed and slept until about 3:15. I feel better now, but still need to rest. Those damn panic attacks screw me up. I have no homework tonight so I have plenty of time to rest. I thought I was doing SOOO much better with my anxiety..guess not. :(

More from yesterday!

Yesterday was GREAT!! My parents woke me up at 6:40 and told me to come in there room because they had a present for me! Not a bad way to wake up, huh? :) So I went in there and they told me to just open all of them! :) :) I got a pair of Silver jeans, 2 jackets, 5 shirts, 2 pairs of shoes, 4 pairs of earrings, 1 necklace, some beaded bracelets, 2 belts, a scarf, and the purse that Phillip bought me! (It came today! It is GORGEOUS!!!!!!!!) I got to school and my cell phone rang and it was my best friend singing happy birthday!! HOW SWEET!! She is great! :) My boyfriend was so sweet too! Then I walked into class and was greeting with so many happy birthdays!! It was so great. It's actually the only really good day that I've had in a long time. So the day was great and my boyfriend and I were talking as we were leaving school and I said "That is bullshit!!!" about something we were talking about and the freakin' principal heard me!! GRRRR So I was written up and now have 3 days of restricted lunch!! At least I don't have I.S.S. :) Oh well, it will be a good diet because I sure as hell am not eating a cheese & bologna sandwich! LOL After school I took a nap and then my family, Phillip, and I went out to eat a my favorite seafood restaurant. :) It was YUUMMMMY!!! So that was my day!

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This is a picture from yesterday when I was leaving to go to school. It's not the best picture, but it's a picture! :)

It's my brithday!!!

Today is my birthday!!!! :)

I got lots of cool presents and it's been a great day! :)

Update on my counselling stuff...

I went to counselling again today. She suggested that we increase the Paxil because it is hitting me full force again. :( I have been really down and REALLY feeling depressed. My anxiety is way better though. No panic attacks in like 2 weeks...I think. I have been being a hermit and staying home all the time! I am even turning my boyfriend down. :( It makes me feel awful because I know he doesn't really understand, even though he acts like he does. I come home and sleep after school until pretty late on most days and can and will sleep until 1 or 2 on the weekends if I am not disturbed. This is so unlike me. I used to sleep late, but never THIS late! I have been snapping on everyone...my parents, friends, boyfriend, and even teachers. :( Again, SOOO unlike me. It's like I am PMSing 24/7! I would rather be alone than with anyone now. That's why I am on here so much. I hate that. So this weekend I am MAKING myself go out with my best friend one night and my boyfriend another night. Because lately Lifetime has been my best friend. :( When I DO go out all I want to do is come back home. I really hate to talk about it because it gets me even more down than I already am and with me being the perfectionist that I am, I pretend everything is perfect anyway, which is not good.

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After counselling, my mama and I went to the mall. She bought me some more stuff for my birthday because I knew everything that I got on the last time and she wanted me to have some surprises. :) That was fun. I can't have them until Thursday! I can't wait. My parent, my boyfriend, and I are all going out to eat Thursday night to my favorite local restaurant. That day should be a great day. Hopefully I won't have any homework. After going to the mall we went to eat at Krystal! YUMMY! Those corn pups are so freakin' good.

**HALEY**