I'm missing my grandma more than anything in the world tonight...

I was sitting at my scrap table working on a mini album while listening to my ipod when "I'm your angel" came on...I have been thinking about my grandma a lot today and this song just brought on more sadness. My grandma died when I was in the 6th grade. So, basically she never really knew me. I have changed so so much since then. I wanted my grandma to see me grow up. I wanted her to see me get married. I wanted her to be with me while I grew up. It hurts more than anything to know that I will never see her again. I would give absolutely anything just to talk to her one last time. I loved my grandma more than I could ever tell you. She died just days before my brother graduated high school. We were all she had and we knew that. My grandma loved me more than life itself. I miss her so much. I can't stop crying. I know she is watching over me and my family. I want her to know how much I miss her because it's more than I could ever explain.
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I just looked through my old scrapbook and read this cheesy story that I wrote about my grandma. It's so chessy, but it's all so true. She went out of her way to do anything for us. God, I would give anything for one more day...
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I also just realized that tomorrow will be 5 years since my papa died. He died the same year as my grandma. They died 6 months apart. They were on opposite sides of the family.-Haley

A little update...

I went to Dr.P (my old doctor) last Thursday. He decided to gradually get me off of Zoloft and on Effexor. I thought this was a good plan. We knew that I had an appointment with Dr.S (went to her for a 2nd opinion) on Wednesday (the 15th). She felt like Effexor was a good antidepressant and that we were headed in the right path. She has decided to increase the Effexor very fast. I will increase every Friday until I get to 150 mg and we could have to increase that. We aren't sure yet. My mama and I were EXTREMELY impressed with Dr.S. She knows her stuff. She is very, very sweet. Needless to say, Dr.P is now out of the picture. :) I am very happy with this decision. Dr.S has also increased my Klonopin to 1mg every morning and 1/2 at 3pm until we get me back to my old self. :) I cannot even begin to say how impressed I was with Dr.S. She is so compassionate and she actually LISTENS!! I don't care if we have to drive 1.5 hours to get to her...I will! I was that impressed! My mama agrees.
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I go back to see Dr.S in one month. That way we should have some idea about how Effexor is working for me. Dr.S also agreed with homebound.
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About the homebound situation- I was approved by the committee, but we are not waiting on the principal to appove it. He has the final say so. :) I have a good feeling about this.

-Haley

It's been forever!

I haven't updated in a long time. Well, I'm 18 now. My birthday was this past Saturday. Not much new with me though. I am still struggling with depression, as well as anxiety. My panic attacks are more frequently and the depression is worse. I can't take anymore. My parents are trying to get me put on homebound until Christmas vacation ends (January 9). Homebound is where a teacher comes to your house everyday to give your work and tests. That's the only solution that we can think of. I come home crying everyday and I don't know why. I have the perfect life, but something is bothering me. I have no clue what it is. I am physically and mentally exhausted. I cannot take anymore. I need to take care of me now and teach myself that I come first. It's getting harder and harder to get out of bed every single day. The homebound committee meets Wednesday so hopefully I will have all of my paper work completed. The hardest part is getting in touch with my doctors before then. Another bad thing is that my academic classes are the last 2 classes of the day and I am normally frazzled by then. I don't no why I am having such a hard time with this. I am in the process of changing doctors now. I have got to get all of this figured out before I start college next fall, possibly even this summer. *****************************

On a happier note, I did get my senior pictures back:
Later guys, Haley