I've been busy!

I just finished 3 hours worth of accounting homework. I am so tired. UGH I hate that stuff. I sure do hope I pass the test tomorrow. :)
****************************
A sweet lady on the Cricut board sent me the pattern to make a dustcover for my Cricut so I made this the night before last:
****************************
Phillip is coming home tomorrow! WOO HOO! :) I am so excited. We have a dance Saturday so we will actually get to be together for 2 nights. I ordered a dress from Nordstrom. I love it.It is at the dry cleaners being steamed right now. I have to pick it up tomorrow. I can't wait until Saturday. :) I will be sure to take tons of pictures and post them.

-Haley

It's been a scrap therapy day for me...

This LO was about a broken friendship. It was EXTREMELY hard to make this.

Journaling reads:
to lose a friendship over something silly. We are both guilty, but we need to get over this and move on. I am hurt. I want my best friend back. I could trust you. I had some of the best times of my life with you. I laughed with you and I cried with you. I want you to know that I would do anything for us to be as close as we were before. It bothers me that you act like you don’t care. You don’t want to talk about it. I feel like I’ve been replaced- and I think I have. I am scared. I am worried. I want everything to be back to normal. We have too much invested to pretend like nothing is wrong. We need to get through this. Together. I am tired of crying. It’s up to you now. I have tried and tried and you aren’t giving me the time of day. So I give up. If this is what you want then fine, have it your way, but I want you to know I care. I want my best friend back. The tag under the flowers reads: I see your true colors shining through. -Cyndi Lauper

*******************************
This is a LO about my depression. It wasn't an easy one to make. This picture was taken last night. I used it because I was faking a smile, which is what I normally do. I was out with some friends and was upset about something *see LO before this one* so I wasn't nearly as happy as I look. When I look at it, it reminds me of the mask that I put on every morning before I leave.

*******************************

This next LO is about how I really need Phillip right now. The date on my camera is obviously wrong, please ignore.
Journaling reads:
I need you now, more than ever. I am really going through some tough times. This depression is kicking my butt. I need you to listen. I need you to try to understand. I need you to talk to me. I don’t mean some things that I say and you know that. I can trust you so I want to confide in you. I need you to be considerate. I am going through the toughest time of my life. I need you to be here for me.


Thanks for looking. Haley

It's 1:00 and I just got home.

6:30 a.m. - 1:00 a.m. sure does make a long day. I am so tired. I went out with a ton of friends tonight. We went to eat at Loco's and then went to see World Trade Center, not the best movie to see when you are depressed. It just made me think. I want my Phillip make home with me. I want my best friend to laugh and cry with. I want her to know that I miss her and I want her to be a part of my life, but she doesn't seem to care. Life is too short to live this way. I am crying as I write this because I am so unhappy. I am not unhappy with life, with with a couple of situations that I am having to deal with. I laughed more tonight than I have in a long time, but it hurt so much to see my best friend on the opposite end of the table acting like I never existed. It hurt. Bad. I feel like I've been replaced by some 2-faced bitch- and I have. Thank goodness Phillip is coming home next Saturday. I need him right now. Now more than ever before. I am sick of crying. I am sick of worrying. I am sick of being dissapointed. I am sick of people in general. I want to be happy again. I don't know if I should try to talk to *L* about our friendship or if I should just let her be. She knows I love her. I would give anything for us to be as close as we were before. I honestly do not know what to do. I'm scared and I'm worried. I don't know what's happening to me. :( I hate this feeling.

Back to the doctor I went...

What's new, right? I feel like an 80 year old in a 17 year old's body. UGH So I haven't been sleeping and I've been extremely anxious. I know some of this has to do with Phillip moving away to go to college and the other part has to do with my best friend and I fighting for over a week now. I was fine, until I started talking to my doctor. Then I cried like a baby. I keep asking myself "Why me?". Why do I have to be depressed and have anxiety issues? I have an awesome life with awesome parent's that will always support what I want/need. I have no reason to be depressed. I have no reason to be anxious. No reason at all. I am scheduled for counselling on the 25 of this month and I am to go once a week, every week until told other wise. My doctor gave me something to sleep (nothing like ambien or lunesta). It is supposed to relax me and calm me down. He also took me off the Xanax and gave me something stronger. I told him that I only take the Xanax Monday-Friday and I don't take any on the weekends. I also told him that life was to short to suffer through this when I can take a little pill to solve everything for now. I will not stop taking them when I need them. I will not. I will change doctors before I do. Feeling anxious is the worst feeling in the world and I am NOT going to suffer through it. I am doing what I can to help myself by going to counselling. I am not suicidal and I have not thought about hurting myself. It may have control of me now, but not that much control.
*************************
I keep telling myself this:
If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.

I got this quote in an email yesterday and I love it.
*************************
On a happier note: I am going to go out with a bunch of friends tomorrow night to see a movie. It should be fun.
-Haley

Phillip came to visit today.

He is going to school about 2.5 hours away. :( I don't get to see him much anymore. He got home last night around 12:00. We spent all day together today. I went to his house about 12:00 today and he just left town about 30 minutes ago. (6:00) It was so nice to see him. He wanted to watch this King Tut movie that I wasn't into so I fell asleep in his arms. It felt right. I always do okay for the time that he's away, but when he comes back and leaves again is the hardest. If he doesn't come back down this coming up weekend, he will be down the next (the 26th) because we have a school dance to go to. We love each other dearly and I really thing we are going to be okay while we are under these circumstances. It feels so good to feel secure.
*****************************************

This is one of my favorite pictures of us.

So this week was the first week of school.

It has gone fairly well. I am happy with my classes and teachers. And the GREAT news is for these 18 weeks I shouldn't have very much homework, if any at all.
*******************************************
On a bitchy note..it AMAZES me the number of people that already have senioritis. They are like "Har Har Look at those little freshman kids." Dumbass. We were there 3 years ago! I am a senior too and I just don't see the point of acting so stuck up to under classmen. They are scared just like we were. They get lost just like we did. Just because we are big bad seniors doesn't mean we are better than anyone! I swear some of these people act like they have won the Presidential election or something. *eyeroll*
*******************************************
I did get my Cricut in the mail last Friday and I have been playing with it everyday, except for once. :) I love it. It is so easy to use. I also haven't had any problems with my cutting mats like everyone else seems to be having. I do have a spare pack just in case though. :)
*******************************************
ETA: I thought I would add my latest LO too. :)


That's all for now.
-Haley

Pick up your own shit!

I am so sick of picking up after everyone around here. A flipping BUCKET does not belong on the counter! Neither do rechargable batteries! GRR There have been these fishing things on the desk in the kitchen for like 3 weeks. Seriously! Actually, it's just my daddy and brother bugging the shit out of me. My mama isn't bothering me. I cannot wait to get out of the house tomorrow and have some ME time. I am going to go to the mall and WM. I deserve it.
*********************************
On a happier note: My mama told me to go ahead and order the Cricut die cutting machine that I've been wanting since I've been helping her since she broke her elbow. :) :) I can't wait. Only 2 more days. Here is a link.
*********************************
Update on mama: She got her "after-surgery cast" off yesterday. She also got her staples out. She had about 30 of them. The incision is about 7 inches long on the OUTSIDE of her elbow. I thought they would do it in the inside of the elbow, but obviously not. We went today to get her a hinged cast so she can start to bend her elbow little by little. She will be in this cast for 8 weeks. We thought she was going to be in a regular hard cast first, but the doctor decided against it. So the hinged cast will be the last cast she has to have. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since her surgery on her elbow, so considering that she is doing remarkably well. :)

Thanks for reading. -Haley